Friday, January 03, 2014 - [strange feelings. ]
So I finally fell asleep after Zac woke up at about 3am (sg time)
But
had a pretty restless sleep ): too hot too cold and My room is also
insanely bright . With 3 ceiling to floor windows in a row and orange
curtains. Used to have nice olive green curtains but some one decided to put orange curtains in a completely pink room.
Anyway
went to my favourite stall in Serangoon Central for sliceeeee fish
soupppp arghhhh I could eat this every day, and I did for 2years when I
was 9-10 lolololol.
Bought 4 containers of steaming soup for my
loverleh sister brother and helper (: the weather trolled me for that
hour I went out. Scorching sun to rain to sun again..
Picked up my sister from school too (:
The
p1s (1st years - 7year old kids) came out first and they were all so adorable. Some
very tiny some quite big. Some with short bobs some with long ponytails
to their butts. They all had oversized uniforms and 99% of them had a
pink school bag XD well it's a girls school. Then the next wave of
students came, the older ones with their vacant expressions and noses
deep in their phones. Most looked pretty nerdy :p, big glasses and
braids.
Then a little one with two pigtails, grinning with 2
holes between her front few teeth dressed in the wrong attire for that
day came out . My sister .
Gad I do miss pre school .
Back home all I wanted was a nap but my siblings
took turns to enter my room asking for things and also 2 workers came to
patch up the leaking ceiling in my bathroom. Eventually drifted off to
sleep while zac was ... doing something on Skype .. Haha had this dream I
was kidnapped by a big beefy person then Zac came in ! Clad in his
trusty white hat, a big hoodie and colourful boxers and no shoes he
came in charging with a sword and rescued me !!!
It was hilarious and the fighting had barely begun
when my dad knocked on my door and I think I might have shouted very
loudly YAAAAAA! And a very confused zac just looked up at me . Hahaha
I couldn't sleep anymore after that so I went out with my
helper to the supermarket. My god, how have I been living ?! I felt very
thrown off in the supermarket because I had no idea where everything was
and it was so packed with people. The space between the aisles were
half that of those in brizzy and it wasn't very pleasant to squeeze
about.
Price labels have upgraded !
Neat. I suppose the
price cards often slide away or get mixed up when they rearrange the
shelves. Also, maybe because the Lunar New Year is around the corner and stuff is gone,
I couldn't help but notice how little selection there was. I was
searching for simple things like dark soy sauce and black beans but I
could not find them. I finally found a small bottle of black beans but
they were some mysterious brand ): and there was only one. It's very
odd... There's like 10brands of everything in Aus. I never used to go to the supermarket or buy groceries, then again I never used to cook anything.
Of course sg has more selection of meats and snacks
and processed food but wow was I having a hard time getting want I
needed to cook. The ginger and potatoes are so tiny here... ( Zac: I bought a big bag of potatoes like 15 of them to make soup for 5 ppl tomorrow XDD can you imagine how small they are ! D: ) The deli
only had beef strips and ham, where's the chicken legs and wings ?!
Australiaaaaa I miss you ♥ ♥ ♥
Also I forgot that people don't greet here, said hi,
how are you to the supermarket cashier and the old lady just stared at
me blankly.. Awkward...
When I came home and
told my dad about the strange experience in the supermarket, he said you
see, it's about time you learnt to help the family. My sister was
sitting at the dining table with us and suddenly she asked
I didn't know
whether to laugh or cry. It was funny because she's a child and her
thinking is different but it was sad hearing it because kids are
unfortunately very honest and I think of her as my precious little baby
and she thinks I'm not "real" .
I was waiting for my stepmother to come home tonight
(it's about 10pm now) because I had a gift for her i completely forgot
to give her yesterday. I told my Alisha I need to keep my room door open to
hear when she comes home
Later my sister asked me to let her sleep in my room. I said "okay, but go back to your room on Sunday because you have to wake up early for school"
I insist she gets permission from her mother
She goes down stairs because Haslinda has just come home. And a few minutes later I hear her screaming and crying .
I guess the answer is no.
I don't know how to go downstairs to give her the present now.
Why does she hate me so?
Labels: brutal honesty, cultural difference, digital price tags, kids, pink school bags, pre school, present, stepmother, supermarkets
bits of me revealed at ..
11:01 PM.
Sunday, October 14, 2012 - [plan for SG.]
it is 1am, and I am well aware that I have a day at QUT news in the morning starting from 8am til 4pm and I will be sorely regretting not sleeping right now, but I really can't. It seems my posts are getting really depressing. what has happened to me?
The more I think about it, the less I look
forward to home. Singapore only means more problems. Perhaps the peace
and emptiness of Australia is actually better than fleeting happiness,
unnecessary drama and torment back home.
Being here, I'm in a state of zen-ness, besides money I hardly have much to worry. Of course I fret over schoolwork sometimes, but I manage to get by thankfully. I have alot of time to do alot of other useful things sadly, it's the money. I sorely want to go for dance classes but can't afford it, there's also facilities to learn horse-riding which can't be done at home and it's all about the money money money.
I wish I had a lot of money, who doesn't?
These days I just keep thinking of the how the days will be in Singapore. Originally I couldn't wait to go home. Now I'm just.. floating along with life. Sure, I won't fear being cold or foodless, I won't have to worry about laundry for 3 months. I won't have to pay for internet either.
But I have to force myself to be with my stepmother, and her superficiality .. I have a strict curfew which makes me very unwilling to go anywhere at all.. I would like to work, but I also wouldn't because work is tiring and it's my holiday I should be enjoying but I know at this moment that I won't be.
I'm not being pessimistic on purpose, I know very well how life will turn out to be. I thought I would be happy, I have my old friends, and my new friends here going home. I thought I could go back for dance classes, I thought I could have happy sleepovers and a happy reunion with my classmates.
None of that will happen, because firstly I am ill.
Secondly my dad has thrown me that curfew and I'm pretty sure he won't give me allowance in SG so I won't be able to go out actually because.. well you need money to go anywhere.
I know my two lovely friends will be busy with school and another very devoted to her boyfriend so she will mostly be unavailable. My own boy is too, very busy and usually tense and I do feel it is better to leave him alone than face his tempers when something goes wrong.
So I've thought of an alternative. I will resume exercising because I will have a free pool at my house, and I will go to a gym to run. I do hope my father will fund me to go for cooking class because I do not wish to exceed curfew and incur his wrath. I will ask nicely and hope he is willing to pay for it. I believe the chances of him saying yes is about 20% at the moment. If he doesn't agree I will have to buy my own ingredients and download recipes and make a mess of the kitchen and waste alot more money buying ingredients, maybe he will change his mind then.
I know it sounds evil, but I fully intend to be uncooperative and very quiet when I go home. Oh yes, I will play the piano too why not. Just make some noise and exercise my fingers. So holiday in SG
1. hospital
2. cooking
3. swimming and gym
4. piano
what next..
we have a lovely BBQ pit, but I know my father dislikes my friends so I shan't invite them, why cause trouble to myself.
Hopefully my treatment goes well and I won't be sick anymore, in 2013 2014 and 2015 I won't have a reason to go home anymore. I think I sound like someone who's given up on life, but it's fine. I hope my parents are happy, knowing I'm unhappy and wasting my life away.
In a better world,
my dad will not give me a curfew, my dad will permit cooking classes, my dad will not pressure me to work, my dad will also not pressure me to interact with my stepmom, my dad will stop being racist and accept my chinese friends.
in a better world,
the people of Australia will be kind and give me a job because i genuinely want to and am very free and would love to work here.
in a better world,
I will not be sick so I don't have to worry and suffer these few months.
The world will probably not get better, but what can I do? I'm just another pawn in God's game. I really want to die and meet him and ask why I was given such a life. A life that I find most challenging, yet some might envy, and definitely some who look down on.
Labels: better world, cooking, curfew, depressed, gym, home, money, sick, stepmother
bits of me revealed at ..
11:27 PM.
