Saturday, February 08, 2014 - [just a little bit unwell]
Here's yet another
post written on the train. I've decided to add a little player, so
maybe if you listen to it while you read you can feel my mood as I was
typing this because this wass playing and it inspired the post.
Today's post is slightly depressing. Some of you who
have me on Facebook know that I've recently decided to use my remaining
time In SG to rejoin my former job as a skating coach. And yes I've
been very excited and teaching is a fulfilling job and I do love this
job despite having to yell at kids and try to control all the overly
excited children and prevent them from rolling away. Some of them are
stubborn, some are too afraid to stand, some think they're overly
skilled and ignore instructions and refuse to learn our techniques
It's actually a very demanding job so don't think
it's all fun and good money. It's well deserved money especially when I
travel over an hour to the school and another long trip home carrying
sweat soaked clothes and a bulky pair of skates every day .
Recently there's something that's bothering me a
lot. Which is my declining health. I don't know what's causing it but
I've had insane insomnia for many nights. I'm exhausted I can't open my
eyes yet I can't fall asleep in bed. I clear my mind and stare at the
ceiling from dusk to dawn. I literally lie on my side and listen to the
sound of my fan, the sound of my brother locking his door at 1am or so
to sleep, the sound of cars and buses slowly diminishing. Then I hear
nothing for a long time, and the birds start chirping,the doors 2floors
down open and my helper gets up to make breakfast for the family and I
hear them get up and go to work and school and then I still.. Lie awake
listening to the construction site beside my house roar to life. My eyes
adjust to the darkness easily and the room slowly gets flooded with
light and the world is awake.
Insomnia is not a fresh problem. It's come and gone
many times in my life. Lately each day I carry water with me, which I
never used to. But in the year I've had 3-4 instances of blacking out in
public. It's frightening. Just walking and I start to get dizzy and
within 20seconds I completely lose vision and lose balance and
collapse.
Do you know how that feels.
The
feeling of helplessness. I open my eyes and see nothing but white
noise. I blink and flail my arms but I can't feel anything. If I manage
to sit up I'll feel nauseous. I'm just disabled for a while until
someone comes and picks me up.
On my first day of skating after about an hour in
the sun, I felt it. The sudden dizziness and loss of balance, my vision
goes blur, I immediately crouched down and removed my skates. I just
just kneeling down staring at the ground hoping I don't black out then .
The kids are there .
They're staring at me .
I feel awful .
I feel helpless .
I want to cry.
The kids think I've fallen down and ask if I'm alright, I can't speak or I'll throw up. I just sit down and remove my skates and the other coach stares at me from afar and commands the children away from me.
The kids are there .
They're staring at me .
I feel awful .
I feel helpless .
I want to cry.
The kids think I've fallen down and ask if I'm alright, I can't speak or I'll throw up. I just sit down and remove my skates and the other coach stares at me from afar and commands the children away from me.
My boss sees me in the corner removing my skates in
the middle of a lesson and I can't even look up at him to explain. I
feel so embarrassed and humiliated that I can't conduct my job
properly.
Today I survived my lesson. I forewarned the other
coaches I might faint and tell them to immediately take over the lesson
if I suddenly stop moving. Although I complete the lesson smoothly, the
feeling came to me again in the van. It might have been the squeeze to
sit with racks of sweaty skates and trays of sweaty gears and that the two front passengers were smoking but I felt so sick and weak as soon as I got out. I could not stand up straight again and I immediately drank many gulps of water before moving again.
People worry about being punctual, being well-dressed for a job, worry about their higher-ups but I .. have a different kind of worry to surpass it all. Just worrying if I'll even be conscious and able to move. -______-
Really. The best gift in life is good health. Those with health problems surely can understand me and how scary it is and how great an inconvenience it is.
People worry about being punctual, being well-dressed for a job, worry about their higher-ups but I .. have a different kind of worry to surpass it all. Just worrying if I'll even be conscious and able to move. -______-
Really. The best gift in life is good health. Those with health problems surely can understand me and how scary it is and how great an inconvenience it is.
Labels: blacked out, controlling, health, insomnia, job, kids, skating, techniques, unwell
bits of me revealed at ..
10:11 PM.
Saturday, January 11, 2014 - [Are You Maths Enough?]
Today after my sister came home from her Golf Class, I was told to mark her Maths Paper. It was really funny for me looking at her answers but I guess some questions are tricky for someone her age :3
Take a good look at the face of our future leader :D
shoo cute with her Golf Tee, so she's doing the Henry Park paper, I think it's a good school because it has some gifted program. Anyway, she scored 22 out of 80 because she's only just started 2weeks of Primary 2 and this is the semester end paper.
I really hate these kind of pattern questions, even to this day I hate them. I never got them right when I was young.
The 0 multiplication trick question again XD and after I drew the dotted lines she still couldn't see the halves and count the trianges correctly ):
I'm actually amazed she didn't fall for this question, I probably would have.
Another deceiving question haha, is it just me or can you guys see why kids would answer it wrongly?
Thrown off by pictures of real objects instead of plain shapes.
HAH. 85 but I would have written that too .
Oh silly, why didn't you read the question clearly.
ARRRR... I think she read it as "Ribbon is ____ cm long"
700kg books XDDD !
Remember those questions with, there are 52 legs on a farm, there are chickens, goats and cows on the farm. If there are 4 chickens and 2 cows, how many goats are there?
I stared at this question for quite a while actually. lololol . I would have gotten this wrong 10 times if I did it 10 times I'm sure.
): so sad she didn't even try this, but she knows all the multiplication tables
Finally, another patterns question
Do you think you could have managed all this at the age of 7-8 ?
Labels: fractions, henry park, kids, mathematics, multiplications, patterns, pre-school, semester paper, trick questions
bits of me revealed at ..
1:24 PM.
Friday, January 03, 2014 - [strange feelings. ]
So I finally fell asleep after Zac woke up at about 3am (sg time)
But
had a pretty restless sleep ): too hot too cold and My room is also
insanely bright . With 3 ceiling to floor windows in a row and orange
curtains. Used to have nice olive green curtains but some one decided to put orange curtains in a completely pink room.
Anyway
went to my favourite stall in Serangoon Central for sliceeeee fish
soupppp arghhhh I could eat this every day, and I did for 2years when I
was 9-10 lolololol.
Bought 4 containers of steaming soup for my
loverleh sister brother and helper (: the weather trolled me for that
hour I went out. Scorching sun to rain to sun again..
Picked up my sister from school too (:
The
p1s (1st years - 7year old kids) came out first and they were all so adorable. Some
very tiny some quite big. Some with short bobs some with long ponytails
to their butts. They all had oversized uniforms and 99% of them had a
pink school bag XD well it's a girls school. Then the next wave of
students came, the older ones with their vacant expressions and noses
deep in their phones. Most looked pretty nerdy :p, big glasses and
braids.
Then a little one with two pigtails, grinning with 2
holes between her front few teeth dressed in the wrong attire for that
day came out . My sister .
Gad I do miss pre school .
Back home all I wanted was a nap but my siblings
took turns to enter my room asking for things and also 2 workers came to
patch up the leaking ceiling in my bathroom. Eventually drifted off to
sleep while zac was ... doing something on Skype .. Haha had this dream I
was kidnapped by a big beefy person then Zac came in ! Clad in his
trusty white hat, a big hoodie and colourful boxers and no shoes he
came in charging with a sword and rescued me !!!
It was hilarious and the fighting had barely begun
when my dad knocked on my door and I think I might have shouted very
loudly YAAAAAA! And a very confused zac just looked up at me . Hahaha
I couldn't sleep anymore after that so I went out with my
helper to the supermarket. My god, how have I been living ?! I felt very
thrown off in the supermarket because I had no idea where everything was
and it was so packed with people. The space between the aisles were
half that of those in brizzy and it wasn't very pleasant to squeeze
about.
Price labels have upgraded !
Neat. I suppose the
price cards often slide away or get mixed up when they rearrange the
shelves. Also, maybe because the Lunar New Year is around the corner and stuff is gone,
I couldn't help but notice how little selection there was. I was
searching for simple things like dark soy sauce and black beans but I
could not find them. I finally found a small bottle of black beans but
they were some mysterious brand ): and there was only one. It's very
odd... There's like 10brands of everything in Aus. I never used to go to the supermarket or buy groceries, then again I never used to cook anything.
Of course sg has more selection of meats and snacks
and processed food but wow was I having a hard time getting want I
needed to cook. The ginger and potatoes are so tiny here... ( Zac: I bought a big bag of potatoes like 15 of them to make soup for 5 ppl tomorrow XDD can you imagine how small they are ! D: ) The deli
only had beef strips and ham, where's the chicken legs and wings ?!
Australiaaaaa I miss you ♥ ♥ ♥
Also I forgot that people don't greet here, said hi,
how are you to the supermarket cashier and the old lady just stared at
me blankly.. Awkward...
When I came home and
told my dad about the strange experience in the supermarket, he said you
see, it's about time you learnt to help the family. My sister was
sitting at the dining table with us and suddenly she asked
I didn't know
whether to laugh or cry. It was funny because she's a child and her
thinking is different but it was sad hearing it because kids are
unfortunately very honest and I think of her as my precious little baby
and she thinks I'm not "real" .
I was waiting for my stepmother to come home tonight
(it's about 10pm now) because I had a gift for her i completely forgot
to give her yesterday. I told my Alisha I need to keep my room door open to
hear when she comes home
Later my sister asked me to let her sleep in my room. I said "okay, but go back to your room on Sunday because you have to wake up early for school"
I insist she gets permission from her mother
She goes down stairs because Haslinda has just come home. And a few minutes later I hear her screaming and crying .
I guess the answer is no.
I don't know how to go downstairs to give her the present now.
Why does she hate me so?
Labels: brutal honesty, cultural difference, digital price tags, kids, pink school bags, pre school, present, stepmother, supermarkets
bits of me revealed at ..
11:01 PM.
