[I wrote this to myself on the bus on the way to pole performance last friday, but my mood is better today so my edits will be in brackets~]
Today's another one of those frustrating days. Why is life so
difficult! Well of course it has so be, otherwise it's.. meaningless or
whatever. I should say why cant I get a break, why must there be
constant challenges. Solve one problem, another 10 pop up, or sometimes I can't even solve the first one!
I hate the thought of
wasting time and wasting my life away. People say "You're only 21, you're
studying, many people don't get that chance. But many others get more
and are so much more accomplished already!" I feel so naggy But I really
wish Zac would do something. Okay he doesn't enjoy uni, he doesn't know
What he wants yet, but why can't he just get a job in the meantime
instead of wasting time away? [YAY! He's been applying!]
I hate thinking about uni and pole and Tupperware and the missing dog.
First
the dog, I know I'm not allowed to have one, but I do, and it's been
both annoying and heart warming experience. Sometimes I just feel
tired and want a cuddle or I want to distract myself. Sometimes He
nudges me too much, tries to eat everything and makes me want to give
him away. Sometimes when I'm alone at home he's there to keep me
company. And it saddens me that I've always wished I didn't have him and
suddenly he's gone and I regret ever wishing that. And it's stupid
because I know if he comes back, sooner or later I'll get irritated
again and take him for granted and wish I could get rid of him again.
But right now, all my memories of picking him out, raising him, training
him are flooding my mind and it haunts me every day. Please just come
home and annoy me with your overly cute face and overflowing curiosity
and need to chew everything and shed your fur everywhere. We found a
good house.. with a big yard and a dog park next door.. we need you
back.
[It's been 2 weeks now.. 100 flyers given out, posters at bus stops and lamp posts up to 15minutes away.. knocking on doors, posting in RSPCA, Animal Shelters and Neighbourhood watch groups. Not.A.Single.Sighting/Call.
You know why? Because I know he's been stolen. Because he's so pretty, a pure bred, super obedient, friendly, a damn fine coat of fur. Jet never leaves Bowser (another dog living with us) and always follows him around. There's no other explanation why we would find Bowser 5 doors down from us and Jet missing. This son of a bitch, I don't care if you have a dying child whose last wish is a cute puppy, I don't care if your mother has a terminal cancer and misses her own Border Collie that passed away before and wants a new one. YOU DON'T FUCKING TAKE WHAT'S NOT YOURS. IT'S LIKE LOSING A CHILD! LOSING A LIFE! GODDAMMIT RETURN HIM TO US]
I feel so stressed to get
sales and host This amazing party for Tupperware. Yes I really want a
Job and some extra money, but this seemingly easy Job is giving me way
too much stress than it should. Because I don't want to fail. I want to
host the best party, get the highest sales because I know I can. I've
never held a party in my life and I know nothing especially of white
culture. And I hate to burden someone else to help me but I have to. I
hate it I hate it. I would gladly go around selling and demonstrating I
just can't wait to get this party over because I don't know how to be a
host. My past has frightened me and I .. I don't want to feel that
again.
[Plans are going well (: given out some invitations will give out more tomorrow yay!! Not feeling so stressed about it now, just excited to move to the new house in 2 more days and decorate the house]
Performing for pole the first time was
so exciting and fun. Maybe because it was my first time and people were
coming to see me and I love to dance. I still do. But my excitement level
for today is so low.. Maybe because of everything else. The moving,
the money involved in moving, the uni assignments.. Or maybe because
our costume plan failed [the theme for the event was "Forest Dwellers" so we decided to be cats.. later on decided to be Red Riding Hood, Bek and I bought cloth and made a hood then no one else did...] or maybe because .. I DON'T KNOW. all I know is I
don't feel good today!
[The performance didn't go badly (: in fact I think Bek and I killed level 2 and our level 3 group was amazing ^-^ well yeah, we're not professional performers so I think we were really good hehehehe
matching outfits for level 2 contemporary style~
GAME FACES ON!
"Don't you bring me down todaaaaayyyyy ~"
Level 3 with Sophie! Sad that Tori couldn't make it in the end ):
Yeah okay, pictures and words are nothing, here's the video of level 3 !
Bek's on the left, I'm on the right and Sophie's inbetween but in the 2nd row.
Not to give excuses but it's hard to do some moves without the hat falling off D:
So this post is really late, it's the 20th now, and I just came home from a level 4 lesson and I feel slightly disheartened. I don't like it when different instructors teach us because they teach differently and they teach different things. Instructor 1 said do this move this way and to this timing, Instructor 2 comes in and says what? you haven't learnt this? No you're doing it wrong.
Ohwell. That's all for today.] Labels: dance, hosting, lost, missing dog, party, performance, pole, stolen, tupperware
bits of me revealed at ..
11:16 PM.