Monday, December 17, 2012 - []
Seriously spamming my blogposts now because my boss has gotten angry at me for missing my phonecalls and told me to stay home for the day.
Just feeling very disappointed in life. Ohwell I did predict this would happen when I returned to SG. How unlucky can I be, really. I just feel sad that all the things I hoped for aren't coming true. I thought Chris would get me a windows laptop because of all my complaints throughout the year and he did mention and did ask what I like. But nevermind.
My first plan of Zaid coming to QLD then road-tripping to Sydney to meet Kash and all flying to UK failed, 'cause of our triple family clashes. Then I thought I could go to Taiwan with chris, dengyin, andrew and whoever but their conflict has grown even more and I feel like such a failure because I can't solve the conflict between them for over a year.
Thought I would at least go to Legoland or some HelloKitty Land with my sister but they went without me and I feel sad as well.
Chris asked me if I wanted a kitten for Christmas I shall give up on that too. I thought I would have a happy end of year.... maybe I would have been better off staying in Australia with the crazy summer heat and working some holiday job, at least the pay would be very good.
Even if I set aside all of this, I thought I would be happily slacking around, going out with numerous friends and just relaxing. But I'm not. Because of his father's health I can't ask to spend time with Chris, can't ask him to go out, he has to work... I spend my days running around daily helping Chris with his clients, which is fine.
Am I that unlucky? In July during my flight home, my best friend fell and was unable to leave home for that short 2 weeks. During my flight home in 8th Dec, Chris's father had a stroke and minor car accident.
Plus my overbearing parents are interfering with my life every day and I just can't get away, I can't slot in time to meet people, all the people I promised, I broke them all .
Hongyao
Izhardi
Tyler
Yunrou
Eeling
Brendan & Sinyean
Cheehooi & Ke Xin
Bervyn
Ivan & Glenn
LoL noobs group
Even my best friend...........
The only person I seem to be able to meet is my mom. Because she has priority over everything. Everytime I think of my sadness I think of my mom.
Poor mom.
Her sad marriage, her disappointing children, especially me who didn't ace in school, didnt' become a TV star for her, not earning bigbucks to help her, not converting to Buddhism for her. Her sad family who deserted her. Haizz, I guess I might just be like that, living in vain,
I really don't wish to emo, wish to pick myself up and fly but HOW. Where to begin?
I really want to mend the relationship between my friends and Chris, probably the most upsetting thing now but I can't. What can I do? I really really really wish I had an answer.
Just feeling very disappointed in life. Ohwell I did predict this would happen when I returned to SG. How unlucky can I be, really. I just feel sad that all the things I hoped for aren't coming true. I thought Chris would get me a windows laptop because of all my complaints throughout the year and he did mention and did ask what I like. But nevermind.
My first plan of Zaid coming to QLD then road-tripping to Sydney to meet Kash and all flying to UK failed, 'cause of our triple family clashes. Then I thought I could go to Taiwan with chris, dengyin, andrew and whoever but their conflict has grown even more and I feel like such a failure because I can't solve the conflict between them for over a year.
Thought I would at least go to Legoland or some HelloKitty Land with my sister but they went without me and I feel sad as well.
Chris asked me if I wanted a kitten for Christmas I shall give up on that too. I thought I would have a happy end of year.... maybe I would have been better off staying in Australia with the crazy summer heat and working some holiday job, at least the pay would be very good.
Even if I set aside all of this, I thought I would be happily slacking around, going out with numerous friends and just relaxing. But I'm not. Because of his father's health I can't ask to spend time with Chris, can't ask him to go out, he has to work... I spend my days running around daily helping Chris with his clients, which is fine.
Am I that unlucky? In July during my flight home, my best friend fell and was unable to leave home for that short 2 weeks. During my flight home in 8th Dec, Chris's father had a stroke and minor car accident.
Plus my overbearing parents are interfering with my life every day and I just can't get away, I can't slot in time to meet people, all the people I promised, I broke them all .
Hongyao
Izhardi
Tyler
Yunrou
Eeling
Brendan & Sinyean
Cheehooi & Ke Xin
Bervyn
Ivan & Glenn
LoL noobs group
Even my best friend...........
The only person I seem to be able to meet is my mom. Because she has priority over everything. Everytime I think of my sadness I think of my mom.
Poor mom.
Her sad marriage, her disappointing children, especially me who didn't ace in school, didnt' become a TV star for her, not earning bigbucks to help her, not converting to Buddhism for her. Her sad family who deserted her. Haizz, I guess I might just be like that, living in vain,
I really don't wish to emo, wish to pick myself up and fly but HOW. Where to begin?
I really want to mend the relationship between my friends and Chris, probably the most upsetting thing now but I can't. What can I do? I really really really wish I had an answer.
bits of me revealed at ..
2:27 PM.
I need like a strong discipline now.
I need to just report to work from 8am to 6pm, and go home by 9pm, like a robot. I shall not meet anyone unless they are able to meet that time frame
I will not go out,
I will not spend any money,
until I can afford a new laptop because I'm very sick of this macbook.
It has a nice outlook, nice keyboard, nice colours but it's giving me too much trouble in maintenance and using softwares.
I must afford a new laptop before I fly back to QLD, otherwise I will sell everything until I can afford one.
I will not ask the family for a single cent.
I will not ask ANYONE for a single cent.
But I will beg those who owe me however many cents to return me asap.
I need to just report to work from 8am to 6pm, and go home by 9pm, like a robot. I shall not meet anyone unless they are able to meet that time frame
I will not go out,
I will not spend any money,
until I can afford a new laptop because I'm very sick of this macbook.
It has a nice outlook, nice keyboard, nice colours but it's giving me too much trouble in maintenance and using softwares.
I must afford a new laptop before I fly back to QLD, otherwise I will sell everything until I can afford one.
I will not ask the family for a single cent.
I will not ask ANYONE for a single cent.
But I will beg those who owe me however many cents to return me asap.
bits of me revealed at ..
2:09 PM.
Feeling extremely xinku, seriously why are there SOOOOOOO many problems in life..
This is a ridiculous problem anyway, why does my macbook have so many bloody issues with this and that. Even installing an original microsoft office from a CD, non-pirated CD there's so much error and shit.
Why does mac have to be sooooo superior and can't run normal exe files. Why must it have it's own file formats that make me spend so much on buying spare hard disks and splitting my work here and there.
Trying to write out a contract but my microsoft office doesn't work, if I go to the office and do it there's no internet and therefore no online template to refer to.
Why must my house be in such a fucking bad location that there's only 1 bus, which comes every 30mins to go to work, I can't even take the train there. Just 1 sad bus.
Just feeling so pekcek, I hate dealing with problems in technology and gadgets and whatever shit, why do things have to malfunction.... ._.
so irritated with the world.
I wish I had enough money to buy a bloody new laptop. And money to fix my DSLR, which is actually so shitty I should just buy a new one since the lens has spoilt and the body is useless.
Heck, I wish I had money to even go out of the house for a meal. In debt to other people, other people in debt to me, so sickening this money-centered world... life is just so sickening.
Not to mention home being a prison.. fuck.
This is a ridiculous problem anyway, why does my macbook have so many bloody issues with this and that. Even installing an original microsoft office from a CD, non-pirated CD there's so much error and shit.
Why does mac have to be sooooo superior and can't run normal exe files. Why must it have it's own file formats that make me spend so much on buying spare hard disks and splitting my work here and there.
Trying to write out a contract but my microsoft office doesn't work, if I go to the office and do it there's no internet and therefore no online template to refer to.
Why must my house be in such a fucking bad location that there's only 1 bus, which comes every 30mins to go to work, I can't even take the train there. Just 1 sad bus.
Just feeling so pekcek, I hate dealing with problems in technology and gadgets and whatever shit, why do things have to malfunction.... ._.
so irritated with the world.
I wish I had enough money to buy a bloody new laptop. And money to fix my DSLR, which is actually so shitty I should just buy a new one since the lens has spoilt and the body is useless.
Heck, I wish I had money to even go out of the house for a meal. In debt to other people, other people in debt to me, so sickening this money-centered world... life is just so sickening.
Not to mention home being a prison.. fuck.
bits of me revealed at ..
1:51 PM.
Friday, December 14, 2012 - [home not where the heart is ]
life hasn't been very nice lately..
been raining like crazy all day every day, and makes it inconvenient to go out and stuff, wanna wear covered shoes but it'll get soaked so I wear flip-flops everywhere but I don't wanna look sloppy but I rather sloppy than ruining many pairs of shoes. Speaking of which I just bought a pair of black ankle boots yay!
Still have a lump in my intestines which 4 doctors have poked at and decided that medicines can cure it although they all prescribe the same tablets and urghh I've consumed them for a month already.
I guess my biggest problem is my father.
Oh where to begin .. I don't even mean to scold him argue with him, I'm not even angry.
He's just making me very agitated with his constant yapping about coming home and being a family person, jesus christ I think among many of my friends I'm a very FAMILY GIRL already. I try to live within his ridiculous 9pm curfew. Before he made me get a job I was always home, always playing with my sister, I played the piano, I read books and I drew. I was innocently spending my holidays being confined at home.
Then he said stop lazing around! Get a job! So I did and now he complains I return home late and I'm mixing with bad company and all sorts of crap. He says I make him lose face, HOW?! HOW exactly does he lose face when I HAVE A JOB. Isn't it giving him more face? Isn't it polishing his face?!
He says because I'm so anti-social my stepmom doesn't wanna sleep in the master bedroom anymore. Oh goody, how is that MY FAULT?! I don't give a damn about what she does, who she's with, what time she comes home.
She is never ever participating in anything family related.
- didn't pick me from the airport
- doesn't come home for dinner
- doesn't say prayers as a family
- doesn't watch TV with anyone else but THE MAID
- doesn't want to go out with anyone but Alisha & Irene
So she's already sooooo content with her life, sooooo occupied, what on earth about me is bothering her?! Is it my presence? If it is then I'm out at work and I go for dinner and I reach home about 11pm and all doors are closed already, so it can't be my presence.
Is it my absence?! So you want me to be home so you can walk past me and ignore me but spy on me from afar?!
Such a ridiculous argument my dad made against me "your actions are upsetting Haslinda" who the fuck cares about that.
Says I spend too much money, oh HELLO I haven't asked any money from you apart from a small allowance because I returned to SG without money, but NOW you've asked me to work and I am working so I'm not asking for money. So what, I have money but can't spend?
I spend alot? Look at my sister and the fault-less stepmother who is unhappy with the whole world.
I don't know if my father is bored, has OCD or what but he just keeps scolding me day after day after day. Not a day of peace. Is scolding that pleasant? I have no issues with the home. I come home there's no lunch no dinner cooked, what is the maid doing? I have no idea but I don't scold the maid.
I get drenched in the rain and no one answers the phone or the door, I don't get mad.
I eat dinner alone at the big living room, I don't get mad???
I go for family dinners where my stepmother is NEVER on time. I don't get mad at all.
See, I'm just so chill with life but my dad comes and ...
come home earlier!
don't use the air-con!
don't make the maid clean your room!
don't call your friends late at night!
don't invite your friends over!
don't go out with friends!
don't play so much computer games!
buy dinner for the family! (no fucking way, I'll buy for everyone but my stepmom)
plan a BBQ for the family! (sure and who will be present? me and the maid perhaps)
don't laze around the house!
don't sleep so much!
don't use the bicycles!
don't turn on so many lights!
Is this even a home anymore?
been raining like crazy all day every day, and makes it inconvenient to go out and stuff, wanna wear covered shoes but it'll get soaked so I wear flip-flops everywhere but I don't wanna look sloppy but I rather sloppy than ruining many pairs of shoes. Speaking of which I just bought a pair of black ankle boots yay!
Still have a lump in my intestines which 4 doctors have poked at and decided that medicines can cure it although they all prescribe the same tablets and urghh I've consumed them for a month already.
I guess my biggest problem is my father.
Oh where to begin .. I don't even mean to scold him argue with him, I'm not even angry.
He's just making me very agitated with his constant yapping about coming home and being a family person, jesus christ I think among many of my friends I'm a very FAMILY GIRL already. I try to live within his ridiculous 9pm curfew. Before he made me get a job I was always home, always playing with my sister, I played the piano, I read books and I drew. I was innocently spending my holidays being confined at home.
Then he said stop lazing around! Get a job! So I did and now he complains I return home late and I'm mixing with bad company and all sorts of crap. He says I make him lose face, HOW?! HOW exactly does he lose face when I HAVE A JOB. Isn't it giving him more face? Isn't it polishing his face?!
He says because I'm so anti-social my stepmom doesn't wanna sleep in the master bedroom anymore. Oh goody, how is that MY FAULT?! I don't give a damn about what she does, who she's with, what time she comes home.
She is never ever participating in anything family related.
- didn't pick me from the airport
- doesn't come home for dinner
- doesn't say prayers as a family
- doesn't watch TV with anyone else but THE MAID
- doesn't want to go out with anyone but Alisha & Irene
So she's already sooooo content with her life, sooooo occupied, what on earth about me is bothering her?! Is it my presence? If it is then I'm out at work and I go for dinner and I reach home about 11pm and all doors are closed already, so it can't be my presence.
Is it my absence?! So you want me to be home so you can walk past me and ignore me but spy on me from afar?!
Such a ridiculous argument my dad made against me "your actions are upsetting Haslinda" who the fuck cares about that.
Says I spend too much money, oh HELLO I haven't asked any money from you apart from a small allowance because I returned to SG without money, but NOW you've asked me to work and I am working so I'm not asking for money. So what, I have money but can't spend?
I spend alot? Look at my sister and the fault-less stepmother who is unhappy with the whole world.
I don't know if my father is bored, has OCD or what but he just keeps scolding me day after day after day. Not a day of peace. Is scolding that pleasant? I have no issues with the home. I come home there's no lunch no dinner cooked, what is the maid doing? I have no idea but I don't scold the maid.
I get drenched in the rain and no one answers the phone or the door, I don't get mad.
I eat dinner alone at the big living room, I don't get mad???
I go for family dinners where my stepmother is NEVER on time. I don't get mad at all.
See, I'm just so chill with life but my dad comes and ...
come home earlier!
don't use the air-con!
don't make the maid clean your room!
don't call your friends late at night!
don't invite your friends over!
don't go out with friends!
don't play so much computer games!
buy dinner for the family! (no fucking way, I'll buy for everyone but my stepmom)
plan a BBQ for the family! (sure and who will be present? me and the maid perhaps)
don't laze around the house!
don't sleep so much!
don't use the bicycles!
don't turn on so many lights!
Is this even a home anymore?
bits of me revealed at ..
12:41 AM.
